Over 50,000 people call Zara Barrie their “lesbian big sister.” As the author of Girl, Stop Passing Out in Your Makeup and a certified life coach, the West Hollywood writer has made a career out of sharing her most raw, uncensored, and emotional stories—and encouraging other women to do the same.
Through her one-on-one coaching services and Substack, Protect Your F*cking Sparkle, Zara has helped her clients and readers navigate everything from dating to death—and all of the messy and beautiful moments in between.
I caught up with Zara over Zoom to learn about her writing process, how she’s honoring her late brother in a new book, and why, for anyone these days, living in alignment is key if you want to be happy in life and at work.
Watch our full Gas! Gas! Gas! interview above to hear these highlights:
Zara’s writing process:
I try and write every single day. I look at it like going to the gym: If you don't go for a while, it's really hard and you don't wanna go. But if you get into the habit, you can't imagine your life without it, and when you skip a couple of days, you feel tired and you're not as happy. That's writing for me.
I also try and give myself permission to suck. If you get caught up in perfectionism, it slows you down.
Thirdly—and I think this is the biggest part of my process—whenever I'm feeling stuck, I just say to myself, “Who are you talking to? What does she need to hear? What language is gonna resonate with her?” And then I get really clear. The only person I need to reach right now is this one girl who needs my help. I call her Violet. I've been talking to her for seven or eight years, and she's getting older now, too. And then I don't get in my head about, “Oh, lots of people could read this,” and the vulnerability, and the “how do I sound?”
On becoming a life coach:
It was 2023, and I had a moment when I looked at everything in my life: my marriage, my career. I was working in digital media. I was running a lesbian magazine. I loved it, but I was starting to feel really empty and out of alignment...
I had no choice but to walk away from all of it. I humbly moved back into my parents' house in Florida. I went from being married with a successful, impressive job title, living in Manhattan, to divorced, “I don't know what I'm doing with my life,” and living in my teenage bedroom. It was the best thing I ever did.
I was listening to Glennon Doyle's podcast and Dr. Martha Beck, Oprah's life coach, was on. She started talking about all the things I was feeling, like being out of alignment and having health problems. She made a choice to not tell a lie for a year and lost everything: her family of origin, her relationship, her career. But, what she got back was this life that was in alignment.
So, I looked her up. I read her book, and then I realized she had a life coaching school. I thought I was just going to do it because I've written advice and I love connecting on a deep level with the reader. In the program, I fell in love with doing one-on-one coaching. It’s so, so powerful. Then, I built a practice, and here we are.
On her proudest moment to date:
I'm working on a book right now. I'm really excited about it. It hasn't been challenging to write on the creative end, but emotionally. It's about my relationship with my brother and the last two years, which have been a huge transformation. I lost my brother to pancreatic cancer. He was my best friend. He was also a creative. So it’s about all of that, and the process of, when you're cracked open so wide, you can let energy vampires in. I got into a really toxic relationship, so it's about that, too.
I’m writing this book in Zara style because that's how my brother would always encourage me to do it… I feel like I'm honoring my voice in a way I never have, and it's been such a different experience. When you finally let yourself be who you are in the work, it feels different. There's less attachment to the outcome because I'm proud of it, no matter what.
On her best advice for other creatives:
I'm seeing people who stop if things don't take off right away. I got my first staff writing job at Elite Daily after I had a blog about a bad breakup. I had a full-time job working at a teen theater and I had all of these feelings, so I poured them into this blog. I was super consistent, but it was probably two years of no money and just going for it. When I had a thousand followers and 500 comments, I responded to every single one of them. So, keep going and keep doing it at the same caliber as if you’re being paid. I promise you, at some point, the pieces will fall into place.
It's so easy to get discouraged because you see people who have viral success. But if you're not ready to receive that viral success, you're just going to have that one hit and it will all crumble. I see so many people who get that one thing, like a book deal, but then they can't write the actual book, you know? I see people focusing on so much of the marketing and building the followers without having focused enough on the quality of the work.
It's like living in a house with stable floorboards—they can hold all of the things that you want. So, focus more on being an amazing writer than making money at first, and get that foundation strong. Because, when you do go viral or you do get that opportunity, you’ll be ready to receive it.
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